I Require a Tug

A few years ago Gabrielle bought a reusable burlap bag from Trader Joe’s with the above “Zulu” signal flag printed on the side along with the caption “I Require a Tug.” I thought it was hilarious in a way that people who don’t know me well wouldn’t understand. Anyways, over the ensuing years I co-opted the use of the bag and it always evinced a chuckle between Gabrielle and I. Lately though, it has gone from running gag to to an emblematic way of living.

With the ALS I’ve had to run my Zulu flag up the yardarm which is, for me, difficult on many levels. I’ve always had an outstanding vitality level, have rarely been sick in any meaningful way, and have been independent (sometimes to a fault). Lately, I’ve had to call in a lot of tugs for simple things we take for granted: opening maddeningly wrapped products, chopping some foods, making phone calls because of my voice…all of those things everybody takes for granted on a day to day basis. Out of all of it, the phone thing vexes me the most, especially as the mantra over the last decade was (after 5 minutes of irrelevant drivel by a robo-voice) to “go to our website at www.wedontwannatalktou.com” or “download our app on the iTunes store (not available on Android).” Now it seems everyone wants you to call them but you STILL have to hear the robo-voice spew its inanities at you. It’s a bit insidious too as some days using the can opener is ok, the next not. Or, one day I’m lifting a box of shoes bound for goodwill and the next I’m having to have my shoes tied.

Still other times, the number of competing tugs who show up are overwhelming: there are doctor tugs from Franciscan, University of Washington, and the VA all pushing and pulling at you while their nurse tugs, who seem to be as plentiful as multiplying rabbits, also attempt to push and pull on the hull. That still doesn’t include all the “specialist tugs” like speech pathologists, physical & occupational therapists, imaging, and cardiac-pulmonary types. Then there are the social worker tugs, the non-profit association tugs, the veteran organization tugs, and government tugs to deal with. They surround you like an Iranian fast boat swarm around a US warship in the Strait of Hormuz! And then there are the work tugs to manage around the medical tugs. Then the family and friend tugs all want to get a line on you too. Some days you just want to strike the Zulu flag and hide in the house cave for awhile.

With this disease though, there is no striking the Zulu flag, for doing so is giving up. Instead, one has to get on the radio and 1MC and direct all the tugs in their dance around the ship of David & Gabrielle. If it seems at times that you aren’t hearing the radio call to your tug know that it is simply a matter of herding and managing other tugs through a chaotic sea. We’ll eventually get to you…and if not, well… go to our website at…